Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Unwillingly Anxious & Shy

We had some friends over recently for small a dinner party and I was so thrilled at the thought of playing my harp for more than just our cats or whoever happened to be walking by our house on nice days when I'm practicing with the windows open... but I clammed up. I froze. I saw faces of people I admire and adore and for some reason instead of it comforting and empowering me, I was terrified. I wanted them to be impressed by my progress but I could barely handle the silence and their focus as they all patiently waited for me to play a note. None of these people play harp, they have no idea how it should sound, they won't recognize the tiny songs I've been learning, but I was petrified. I eventually managed to convince them to look away & carry on a conversation and I played a few songs somewhat smoothly. I don't know how I'll overcome it, ultimately, or if many of the performers I admire so much are even over it after multiple albums released and concerts played. Actually, I've heard Chan Marshall has stage fright. If that's true, I know I'm in good company. Shy, reclusive musicians unite!

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